Everyone hates me.
My parents are disappointed in me.

and aaa .. for years, I always know how to deal with these kind of stuff ..

but I have no idea why I feel so, vulnerable right now.

It’s like my brain stopped to function and bad things rush over good things in my head, and everyday feels like hell.

I’ve stopped meeting my therapist, because meeting her made me feel like a looney-baloony. I dont like that feeling, without her, I already feel like a walking weirdo … and it sucks to tell your friends that .. ” umm .. sorry, cant hang out, it’s my therapist session.”

with all of those judging eyes, and awful judgements inside of their heads .. I cant deal with that anymore.

or maybe, my mom ..

she’d yap all over the place like .. ” you are such a waste of money. do you know how to get rid of depression? PRAY! you pray to YOUR GOD.”

and I really want to say stuff like, ” I like having someone to talk with, mom. You are not there, my father certainly isnt going to be here too, and it’s hard for me to trust people. ” But I didnt say any of those words. 

It’s like I have to pay half million of Rupiah to meet a therapist per-session, and because she’s being paid for that, I knew that I can trust her.

ugh ..