Day 01 - My Current Relationship
Yes, finally, I could start doing this soul sucking challenge .. 30 days, here we go.
My current relationship? I am in a long committed relationship with the whole world, with the sky, with music, with books, with the ocean who silently cries every time the sun collapsed from its throne. In terms of man-o-man relationship, sadly, I have none. I am single. This challenge wishes me to discuss how my singularity affected me. Well, idk, I am just single and that’s not a big of a deal to boast about. There’s not much to tell. My relations with the XY-kind? In summary, I have male-compadres, male-friends, close men-friends, and even closer men whom I welcome in my beloved circle of introversion.
The funny thing about being single is that .. last Saturday night I had a blast with my dearest single friends, I remember when I was on the car .. I told Fahmi ” Is this what single people had been doing all along? Men, I’ve been missing out a lot of good times.” and he laughed and said ” where have you been, Beeb?”
and my follow up was ..
" why on earth would people pity the singles? when actually the ones who are committed are the ones who should get pats on their back. This is aweeesommeee!" *throwing my hands in the air like I don’t care while saying these words*
I guess, I am loving my status quo. I have no intention to change it anytime soon, buuut .. it does not mean that I am completely locking the gate to Bethlehem. I am always up to love, but I am not up to locking it down yet. In the battle of love and everything else, love wins. Because next to nuclear energy and electricity’ love is one of my favourite sources of energy.
I love the idea of love itself, but I could not bear the thought of relationship just yet. I just gave my all to someone and it’s all gone now, I don’t think I could handle losing much investment like I did on the last relationship. Even when we became ex-es I have to cope with the daily pain that could not be easily wiped from my sky. It is one thing to be in a relationship and being suck at it, it is another to be post-paramours and suck at it. I’ve been busy lately, like Bill Gates-y kind of busy, I need this much of activity, I think it’s a good therapy to demolish this crazy codependent-self who always jumps from a relationship to another. If I kept on doing this shit, I am violating the purity of love which I worshiped.
I got kinda realistic, skeptical, not at all dreamy when it comes to relationship now.. so I guess this is a good thing, for godsake I am on my 20s. The thing about Beeba is that if she didn’t get it hard, she wouldn’t understand a tiny bit about how meaningful being in a relationship truly is. (or to cherish the fact that she’s happily single) ..
my love-life is pretty much in a state of la vie en roses. I choose to believe what I want to see. Seeing is believing? nah, that’s some bullcrap, the universe is a mere image of what we want to see, and I see mine in a rose-tinted glasses. It looks pretty.
(even though I prefer sunflower-tinted glasses, they don’t have the phrase for that. Should I create one?)